An end is just another beginning

I never thought this day would come so quickly. Today, I taught my last classes, which means my contract as an English Teaching Assistant in France is completed. I am feeling so many emotions right, but if I had to put it in just one word: bittersweet.

This entire week has been a whirlwind of goodbye classes, giving goodbye gifts, and the never ending process of trying to close accounts down. I am happy to say that everything is now in the process of being closed* which brings the stress of the end of this experience way down. Now, I can enjoy my last few days here, before traveling all around Europe.

Monday, I had my last lessons at the business where I gave conversation lessons. I wrote each of the adults a nice card and brought chocolate to celebrate. When they came in and saw this, they said "Good, we got something for you too!" and presented me with hand-crafted lavender oil from here in Provence. They said it was a souvenir to remember this region and them - surely I will never forget their kindness! As I said goodbye to my boss's wife and dog, while all of us had a little bit of tears in our eyes, I finally realized how amazing that opportunity was. To teach at such a small business which made me feel like a part of their family was an unforgettable experience. As I exchanged les bises with my boss at the end of our last car ride together, I continued to thank him for everything he has done for me and promised to contact him when I return to Provence after my travels, so that we could maybe get together for a lunch or something. Even though I realize this might not happen, the invitation is just another example of the quality of people I have met here: they are some of the friendliest and welcoming people I know.

Tuesday brought a large surprise: an organized goûter in one of my favorite classes! As we sat around eating sweets that all the students had prepared and talked about my future and their futures, I realize how much I have made an impact on some of my students. They presented me with a sheet of paper with lovely goodbye messages, some so touching that I again was holding back tears. For my second class of the afternoon, we saw my house on Google Earth, which was weird and somewhat comforting to realize that I will be going back there soon. As I said goodbye to this class, another favorite, I couldn't help but well up yet again, saying that maybe we may see each other again, yet knowing in my heart that it won't happen. That is when Marc turned to me and said something I will never forget, "An end is just another beginning."  At this point, I was about to boil over as he had tears in eyes too.

After class, Cathy took me somewhere that we have tried again and again to go to together: Rustrel, also known as le Colorado Provençal. It was finally a perfect day to go so we set off with her dog Fluffy in tow. We wandered around the red rock formations of this wonderful site, which also included a small waterfall and a desert area nicknamed le Sahara. Although it was no Grand Canyon, I could see why everyone said I needed to visit this site before I left - it was absolutely incredible to take in. It was such a nice way to spend a beautiful afternoon, speaking in French with my coordinating teacher, reflecting on this entire experience together. At the end, I gave her the card and gift for her and her husband and tried to get out a simple "merci" without crying. When I explained that it is difficult for me to think about leaving, she said, "But you can always come back! You will always have a place to stay with us!" Again, the overwhelming kindness of the people here never ceases to amaze me - I will be back.

Wednesday brought more goodbye classes but one was special in particular: my private lesson with a student in Seconde. As we have been having guided conversations in these lessons, I thought I would try something different and just see if we could carry on a conversation for two hours with no prompts. We can and did, which goes to show how much better this student's English has become. As I gave her a card with my contact information and chocolate, I said that she could come and visit me whenever she wanted, so she could experience America, or write to me. As I went to hug her goodbye, she decided to give les bises and said to me "Here in Provence, we do three [kisses]!" I replied, "I know, I was giving you an American goodbye: a hug!"

Thursday included my last three classes. As none of these classes were my favorite ones, I hate to say my last day of teaching was less than climactic. However, there were 2 more organized parties with more nice goodbye notes - one class even wrote completely in English! After one more private lesson after school, Amy and I got a ride from Cathy and Marc to a soirée that was hosted in our honor at Veronique's house. It was wonderful to have one last time together, with my teachers as well as Amy, to celebrate an amazing seven months together. There was a moment of stress, as Amy and I were prompted to give an impromptu speech: a description of positives and negatives of our experience in Apt in French to a room full of native speaking teachers AND administrators staring at us. If I didn't mention it before, I am kind of terrified of public speaking. Nevertheless, after we spoke they all said how impressed they were with how well we speak and our accent, so I guess we have improved from being here! We spent the rest of the night drinking wine and champagne while munching on pizza, quiche, veggies, tartes and cakes. My teachers even surprised me with two other amazing keepsakes: a book about the Luberon (filled with amazing pictures of this region) and a French novel that is a thriller and written by a man who is from this region and places the story here as well. I cannot explain how grateful I am to have had such welcoming and friendly teachers to work with, and I plan to keep in contact with them after I return to the states. Ils vont me manquer!** As we all exchanged les bises and said goodbye, it was pretty hard to leave, knowing that the assistantship is officially over.

Amy and I and all the English teachers I worked with! From left to right: Amy, Veronique, Marc, Cathy, Isabelle and Me.

As I sit here on this late Thursday night contemplating all that was, I can't help but have tears welling up in my eyes. I have not fully gotten upset yet***, as it still doesn't feel like the end - I am sure that I will not realize it until later. Amy leaves for Annecy in the morning, meaning that this is our last time in the apartment together, after sharing it for nearly seven months. Although I will go tomorrow morning to pick up Allie from Avignon TGV and will spend the next four weeks traveling around with her, it is going to be weird to be here without my British compatriate - I will miss her! How seven months can go by so quickly, I will never understand. As I am having trouble truly (and succinctly) putting into words what the assistantship meant to me, I am going to try to put it into three simple words: c'était incroyable - it was incredible.

And now, onto another beginning!

*That is, once I mail my phone and already written lettre de résliation on Saturday to Virgin Mobile.
**Translation: I will miss them!

***That might not be true - when I started writing this Wednesday, I might have sobbed like a blubbering idiot. But reporting from Thursday night: I am fine (at the moment).

The Beginning of the End

With another school week completed in Apt and just one left week left in the classroom until the end of my contract, it has become more apparent to me how fast this experience has gone by! It seems like just yesterday I was anxiously taking my first steps into a French classroom. Because I have a teaching school that rotates every other week, I have already had quite a few 'goodbye' classes this week. To see the students’ reactions to me leaving, always sad and wishing I could stay until the end of their school year, makes me realize that I have made quite a difference by being here. It is both encouraging and heartbreaking to hear them say "sniff sniff" with a frown - knowing that they will miss me and that I will probably never see them again. For my "goodbye lesson", I have been having students tell me what they are planning on doing in the future and then they can ask me the same, along with any other questions they may have for me before I leave. This has led to some hilarious requests, my favorite being "What do you think of French men?" I have had quite a few students ask about how I got the job as assistant, saying that I have made them want to consider doing this for year (going to a foreign country to teach French). I cannot explain the pride this makes me feel, knowing that I did make some type of an impact on them. Some have even come up after class and asked for my e-mail to stay in contact. I feel like I really made a rapport with several of the students here, making it hard to leave. I have to say that when one of the students left my classroom on Monday and said "goodbye forever", it really hit me that I won't ever see them again or be here again. It is just extremely weird to think about - I will miss this place!

With Easter vacation coming up (vacances de Pâques), in one of my classes, we talked about what everyone is doing for the holiday. Of course, some didn't know the meaning of Easter at first, leaving some bewildered looks. To try to be clearer, I asked "What do you think Easter means?". One female student who knew the answer excitedly yelled out "chocolate!" I mean, let's be honest - she IS right! Monday I received a surprise Easter package from my parents filled with just that: chocolate (and other assorted goodies too). With so much support from home during this entire experience that I have been here in France, it has really made me realize how blessed I am to have such amazing parents. As this was my first true experience living away from home* in my life, venturing to live and work in a foreign country, knowing no one coming in, I cannot thank them enough for the many times I called them, wrote messages on Facebook, skyped them, etc saying how much I missed home. They were and are always nothing but supportive and passionate about my goals and dreams, not letting me give up and making me see that everything will not always be bright and cheery - those are the moments where we truly find ourselves.

How the French do Easter chocolate

Merci Maman et Papa!

The weather continues to be blue skies every day, with the sun getting stronger each day. Jeans and jackets are being swapped with skirts and sandals; Spring is really starting to arrive around here! Not only are flowers starting to bloom, but the buds on the trees are starting to turn into leaves too. Today, as I was walking around the school grounds in a light cardigan and sundress, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply the smell of Provence. I instantly opened my eyes to realize I had been caught in a memory; the smell had brought me back to my summer studying abroad in Aix-en-Provence, with my long sunny walks to and from school. It is funny how this weather is bringing back so many memories of this beautiful region. I can't help but remember myself arriving in September, sweating and panting while falling down the ramp at Avignon TGV with my too-heavy baggage, not used to the Provencal climate or laid-back nature of the culture. Wednesday afternoon, though I had some work to do, Amy and I went to the park to relax, read and soak up the sun. I think that I might be getting a little habitué to this way of life, at long last.

Monsieur Potter and sunlight.

This week also brought the visit from the primary assistant from last year, Cece! Though I had never spoken to her until she arrived, she was so lovely to have around, extremely friendly and we all spent hours telling stories of our experiences in Apt and beyond. On Monday, we all went to dinner at a new place in town called l'Auberge Espagnole. Again, because Apt is so small, new places don't happen very often - I was pleased to see it quite busy on a Monday night! We enjoyed a leisurely dinner of tapas and sangria, coupled by great conversation and a friendly waiter. We welcomed her to a simple dinner at the apartment on Tuesday and after a quick two days, we said our goodbyes. Doing the assistantship brings people together but having been placed in Apt automatically made the three of us instant friends. It is hard to explain to other people, even assistants, what it is like to live and be in assistant in this small village. We all had a universal understanding and bond between us from the beginning. I am so glad that she had the opportunity to come and visit - it was so great to meet her!

She even brought us some American spoils - my favorite girl scout cookies! Thanks Cece!

 This morning, I officially paid my last rent bills and gave the office my lettre de résiliation, my letter explaining when I would be leaving the apartment and when to schedule a contrôle de chambre (room inspection). This required me to go and see my least favorite French person here: the gestionnaire (secretary) of the school. Every time that I have had to talk to her, it has resulted in her rolling her eyes and getting frustrated that I did not understand or could not say something. Needless to say, I always brace myself for a conversation with her. When I saw her and presented her with the letter, explaining we needed to schedule a time for the inspection, she looked at me, wide-eyed and the biggest smile on her face, and said “Mais tu parles bien le français!”** I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy or smile that big. As we continued our conversation she kept repeating her compliment and while making a photocopy, even remarked to another office worker how well I speak now. As I was leaving, she reiterated this by saying, “Tu as fait bien du progrès pendant ton année ici ! C’est bien !“  I can safely say that her kind words meant and still mean a lot to me, as I spent the year avoiding her judgmental glares. With her compliment, it really allowed me to finally say to myself “Yes, you have gotten better. A lot better.” That feeling is wonderful – I am proud of myself and what this experience has given me even beyond French language learning: a stronger sense of self.

With one more weekend and week until my job as an assistant is done, I have to say that I am a bit melancholic and triste. After so much time spent here, it is hard not to be! As always, I will continue to enjoy the last few dregs of this experience, like savoring the last sip of a glass of magnificent rosé. Chin chin!

*Yeah, I know most people have this moment when they are 18 and go off to college. For me, it was at 23 when I moved to a foreign country. Cheers to attending college in my hometown!

**Translation: But you speak French very well!

***Translation: You made good progress during your year here! That’s great!

La vie est comme un fruit….

Another week and weekend has come and gone. With the limited time that I have left here, I can’t help but starting to feel a little melancholic about this whole experience. Though there have been some hard days, and times where I have missed home so much, I cannot begin to describe how weird it will be to pack up and leave here. For good. I have to be careful when I say this around my teachers, who have realized that I have three weeks left teaching and have asked me how I feel about it. This leads to a very nostalgic discussion: I am so excited to get home to be with my family and friends, but again, there’s something about la France and particularly la Provence that always calls me back. When I say to them that it’s weird to think I will never be back in Apt, their response is always a smile with a sly “on sait jamais!”- you never know! Then, we proceeded to talk about my constant worry once I return to the states: trouver un boulot*. Getting a teaching job in France is completely different than getting one in the states – you don’t even have an interview most times! Just fill out an online application and they send you an e-mail telling you whether you got the job or not. Say what?! They even told me they wished there was an interview process. I just don’t understand that – how can you be sure that someone is an adequate educator without ever meeting them? Bizarre, bizarre…. 

With my limited time left here, I have been trying to overload on everything français, from reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in French to watching How I Met Your Mother in French to pushing myself into random conversations with teachers, workers at the school, shop owners and servers at the restaurant, I realize that I have limited time to continue to practice the language in a native place. Plus, it helps that wherever I go, random strangers on the street will always flash me a smile and dit a little “bonjour!” That’s small town France for you!**

Another sunset view from the Apt apt. (yes, my Apt apartment)

I even pushed myself to do something that any foreign language speaker knows is hard and nerve-racking task: talk on the phone in French. I know what you are thinking, I speak French… so why can’t I do it on the phone?! Many factors affect this (not being able to see the person, body language, bad phone connection leaving voices to be mumbled and incomprehensible, etc),  but it is one of the hardest skills to master in my opinion. For shutting down all of my accounts, it was necessary for me to speak to the customer service of each one of my providers, to get information on how to go about doing this. Unfortunately, all these companies in France have their employees sign contracts where they cannot speak in English to help customers - even when they are having trouble understanding and you might be able to help them better in another language. Only French conversations can be had. Knowing this in advance, I prepared myself and hoped that this conversation would go as smoothly as one I would have with someone at a store. My phone call with SFR (my internet company) was as seamless as could be – she could understand me, and I could understand her. It was actually quite a lovely conversation. After that, with my spirits lifted, I decided to call Virgin (my phone company). This conversation was a little bumpier, but still a lot better than how it would have been when I first arrived! Either way, getting over that feeling of being timid is hard for me – in English and even more in a foreign language! I am more than proud of what I have accomplished and continue to accomplish as I grow within this language.

I took advantage of this weekend being my last true weekend “at home” in Apt. On Friday, I spent the day laying out and cleaning. I did venture out of the apartment to get some new movies and stop to get some kebab. After a nice conversation with the owner, I got out my money to pay for my meal and he told me “non, non, mademoiselle, c’est mon cadeau pour toi!”*** Though I felt weird about this, he insisted, reminding me of the little town atmosphere this place has and how a little conversation can go a long way. Then, like a true American, I went to the theater and watched Monuments Men. What a great film, filled with patriotism and a little bit of Matt Damon speaking French (albeit a little rough pronunciation, but still)! I couldn’t help but cry for my homeland a bit…

It's okay, Matt - sometimes I screw up French too!

Saturday, I went to the market for one of the last times. I ran into many students, and one of the teachers I work with, Marc. Again, these are only things that can happen in such a small town as this – I can never go anywhere without seeing a teacher or students from the lycée. Also, I heard A LOT of other Anglophones around, lots of Brits and Americans. Tourist season must be starting in Provence! With all the things I bought, I might have had a near anxiety attack and quickly did a test-pack of everything I have here… needless to say I haven’t done my April-May travels and with two checked bags, I am still overweight…. guess I will be shipping some things home! Then, I enjoyed a nice light dinner and watched A Good Year, filmed right here in the Luberon in Provence. I recognized many of the panoramic views of the little, hillside villages that are on my stomping grounds, including Gordes, Bonnieux, and Lacoste. But what was surprising was at the very end, while the credits rolled, they listed a special thanks to the people living in all of the towns that were filmed in the movie. I was more than surprised to see little, unexceptional Apt on the list! Now I will have to rewatch that movie a few more times and try to pinpoint which scene/s where filmed here in my French home.

And Marion Cotillard is in it - a fav French actress. Need I say more?

Sunday, one of my private lesson clients Laure and her husband Julien took me to the market at Isle-sur-la-Sorgue. Though I had visited this wonderful town before, through their knowledge and guidance, I saw it through completely different eyes. I learned so much about la Venise Provencal****, walking through antique shop after antique shop, and vendor after vendor in the marché. Before going today, I was not sure whether we would speak in English or in French together, as all of our communication up until now has been in English. It was a welcomed change to be expected to speak in French, even when at times I had difficulty in expressing my ideas, they would help me with giving me a new expression or words to use. Even so, these moments didn’t happen too frequently, meaning that my time from 9am-5pm was nearly entirely spoken in French. I know that many of my readers might be saying “Becca, you live in France – isn’t this something you do everyday?” The simple answer: no. Since I am required to speak English with students at work, and with the professors when in front of students, I mostly have found that I go some days speaking English more than French. Although I have had several opportunities to speak through meals and other gatherings with my teachers, this was a nice change as it was different people with different accents, for quite a long period of time. Their generosity and kindness was something that I hadn’t expected, et je ne l’oublierai jamais – I will never forget it!

Antiques everywhere!

We saw many pairs of these lions statues flanked at the doorways of the antiquaires. They explained to me that in ancient times these were used as guardians at the doors almost, portraying the fierceness of the nobility/people that lived inside of the buildings.

La Sorgue!

Laure and I in front of the many water wheels, or roules, that are scattered throughout Isle-sur-la-Sorgue.

The emblem of Isle-sur-la-Sorgue with its latin motto which when translated means the city holds strong against enemies.

Notre Dame des Anges - the church. We peeked in so I could get a look, even though there was a service happening, what a beautiful interior!

More antiquing along the Sorgue - anyone want a cup of tea on the dining set in the water on the right there?

La Sorgue est partout!

They took me to a lovely Chinese restaurant, which is honestly something I have been craving for a long time, as the one in Apt is SUPER expensive (and kinda sketchy looking) so I haven’t tried it. So when they said they felt bad because they didn’t take me to somewhere typically French, I said it is no problem. After, we went to their beautiful home and met their dog Uta, further making this day more amazing, as I got to have play time with un chien! After, they took me to a park where the Sorgue river splits into two parts, a well-known place called le Partage des Eaux. After, we headed up a windy, skinny road deep in the countryside and visited the village of Saumane-de-Vaucluse. Known for a chateau that is privately owned at the top of the village, it boasts magnificent views over the countryside while keeping its quaint, white-washed stone houses stacked in solemnity on the hillside. I had never heard of this village before, and after today I can say I discovered a new coin de Provence.

I can't tell you how many ducks I saw today, and all in twos! I guess that is the custom: as it is almost time for the mama ducks to give birth, the daddy ducks stay with them to help with the ducklings. It's bizarre I didn't manage to get both in the picture....

Le Partage des Eaux

Walking up to the village was beautiful, seeing the layered white rock flanking the hillside. Laure and Julien explained to me that some people have carved their houses into this type of rock, their house actually a part of the hillside. I didn't really believe them... until we saw one on the drive back to Apt. Unfortunately, didn't get a picture of that.

Best shot I could get of the privately-owned chateau

Saumane-de-Vaucluse

After such a wonderful day, it was hard for me to say goodbye and to adequately thank them for how much today meant to me. I think it is hard for people to realize how lonely it can be to come to a foreign country, knowing no one, not having a car, and to try and be able to make connections with people and do things. Today, I felt like I was somewhat part of French everyday life, and it will be a day that I will remember forever.

 

Now, onto another 3 weeks of teaching!

*Translation: to find a job. Woof.

**Recall: In a previous post of when I first arrived, I talked about how I feel like Belle from Beauty and the Beast with everyone shouting “Bonjour” at me as I walk through town. That welcoming feeling has not gone away, and will be one of the things I miss most when returning home to the states.

***Translation: No no miss, this is my gift to you! As you can imagine, I was torn between feeling grateful and wondering if he had put something in my food….

****They call this the Venice of Provence because the river Sorgue that runs through the town forms many canals in the alleyways between the buildings.