An end is just another beginning

I never thought this day would come so quickly. Today, I taught my last classes, which means my contract as an English Teaching Assistant in France is completed. I am feeling so many emotions right, but if I had to put it in just one word: bittersweet.

This entire week has been a whirlwind of goodbye classes, giving goodbye gifts, and the never ending process of trying to close accounts down. I am happy to say that everything is now in the process of being closed* which brings the stress of the end of this experience way down. Now, I can enjoy my last few days here, before traveling all around Europe.

Monday, I had my last lessons at the business where I gave conversation lessons. I wrote each of the adults a nice card and brought chocolate to celebrate. When they came in and saw this, they said "Good, we got something for you too!" and presented me with hand-crafted lavender oil from here in Provence. They said it was a souvenir to remember this region and them - surely I will never forget their kindness! As I said goodbye to my boss's wife and dog, while all of us had a little bit of tears in our eyes, I finally realized how amazing that opportunity was. To teach at such a small business which made me feel like a part of their family was an unforgettable experience. As I exchanged les bises with my boss at the end of our last car ride together, I continued to thank him for everything he has done for me and promised to contact him when I return to Provence after my travels, so that we could maybe get together for a lunch or something. Even though I realize this might not happen, the invitation is just another example of the quality of people I have met here: they are some of the friendliest and welcoming people I know.

Tuesday brought a large surprise: an organized goûter in one of my favorite classes! As we sat around eating sweets that all the students had prepared and talked about my future and their futures, I realize how much I have made an impact on some of my students. They presented me with a sheet of paper with lovely goodbye messages, some so touching that I again was holding back tears. For my second class of the afternoon, we saw my house on Google Earth, which was weird and somewhat comforting to realize that I will be going back there soon. As I said goodbye to this class, another favorite, I couldn't help but well up yet again, saying that maybe we may see each other again, yet knowing in my heart that it won't happen. That is when Marc turned to me and said something I will never forget, "An end is just another beginning."  At this point, I was about to boil over as he had tears in eyes too.

After class, Cathy took me somewhere that we have tried again and again to go to together: Rustrel, also known as le Colorado Provençal. It was finally a perfect day to go so we set off with her dog Fluffy in tow. We wandered around the red rock formations of this wonderful site, which also included a small waterfall and a desert area nicknamed le Sahara. Although it was no Grand Canyon, I could see why everyone said I needed to visit this site before I left - it was absolutely incredible to take in. It was such a nice way to spend a beautiful afternoon, speaking in French with my coordinating teacher, reflecting on this entire experience together. At the end, I gave her the card and gift for her and her husband and tried to get out a simple "merci" without crying. When I explained that it is difficult for me to think about leaving, she said, "But you can always come back! You will always have a place to stay with us!" Again, the overwhelming kindness of the people here never ceases to amaze me - I will be back.

Wednesday brought more goodbye classes but one was special in particular: my private lesson with a student in Seconde. As we have been having guided conversations in these lessons, I thought I would try something different and just see if we could carry on a conversation for two hours with no prompts. We can and did, which goes to show how much better this student's English has become. As I gave her a card with my contact information and chocolate, I said that she could come and visit me whenever she wanted, so she could experience America, or write to me. As I went to hug her goodbye, she decided to give les bises and said to me "Here in Provence, we do three [kisses]!" I replied, "I know, I was giving you an American goodbye: a hug!"

Thursday included my last three classes. As none of these classes were my favorite ones, I hate to say my last day of teaching was less than climactic. However, there were 2 more organized parties with more nice goodbye notes - one class even wrote completely in English! After one more private lesson after school, Amy and I got a ride from Cathy and Marc to a soirée that was hosted in our honor at Veronique's house. It was wonderful to have one last time together, with my teachers as well as Amy, to celebrate an amazing seven months together. There was a moment of stress, as Amy and I were prompted to give an impromptu speech: a description of positives and negatives of our experience in Apt in French to a room full of native speaking teachers AND administrators staring at us. If I didn't mention it before, I am kind of terrified of public speaking. Nevertheless, after we spoke they all said how impressed they were with how well we speak and our accent, so I guess we have improved from being here! We spent the rest of the night drinking wine and champagne while munching on pizza, quiche, veggies, tartes and cakes. My teachers even surprised me with two other amazing keepsakes: a book about the Luberon (filled with amazing pictures of this region) and a French novel that is a thriller and written by a man who is from this region and places the story here as well. I cannot explain how grateful I am to have had such welcoming and friendly teachers to work with, and I plan to keep in contact with them after I return to the states. Ils vont me manquer!** As we all exchanged les bises and said goodbye, it was pretty hard to leave, knowing that the assistantship is officially over.

Amy and I and all the English teachers I worked with! From left to right: Amy, Veronique, Marc, Cathy, Isabelle and Me.

As I sit here on this late Thursday night contemplating all that was, I can't help but have tears welling up in my eyes. I have not fully gotten upset yet***, as it still doesn't feel like the end - I am sure that I will not realize it until later. Amy leaves for Annecy in the morning, meaning that this is our last time in the apartment together, after sharing it for nearly seven months. Although I will go tomorrow morning to pick up Allie from Avignon TGV and will spend the next four weeks traveling around with her, it is going to be weird to be here without my British compatriate - I will miss her! How seven months can go by so quickly, I will never understand. As I am having trouble truly (and succinctly) putting into words what the assistantship meant to me, I am going to try to put it into three simple words: c'était incroyable - it was incredible.

And now, onto another beginning!

*That is, once I mail my phone and already written lettre de résliation on Saturday to Virgin Mobile.
**Translation: I will miss them!

***That might not be true - when I started writing this Wednesday, I might have sobbed like a blubbering idiot. But reporting from Thursday night: I am fine (at the moment).

The Beginning of the End

With another school week completed in Apt and just one left week left in the classroom until the end of my contract, it has become more apparent to me how fast this experience has gone by! It seems like just yesterday I was anxiously taking my first steps into a French classroom. Because I have a teaching school that rotates every other week, I have already had quite a few 'goodbye' classes this week. To see the students’ reactions to me leaving, always sad and wishing I could stay until the end of their school year, makes me realize that I have made quite a difference by being here. It is both encouraging and heartbreaking to hear them say "sniff sniff" with a frown - knowing that they will miss me and that I will probably never see them again. For my "goodbye lesson", I have been having students tell me what they are planning on doing in the future and then they can ask me the same, along with any other questions they may have for me before I leave. This has led to some hilarious requests, my favorite being "What do you think of French men?" I have had quite a few students ask about how I got the job as assistant, saying that I have made them want to consider doing this for year (going to a foreign country to teach French). I cannot explain the pride this makes me feel, knowing that I did make some type of an impact on them. Some have even come up after class and asked for my e-mail to stay in contact. I feel like I really made a rapport with several of the students here, making it hard to leave. I have to say that when one of the students left my classroom on Monday and said "goodbye forever", it really hit me that I won't ever see them again or be here again. It is just extremely weird to think about - I will miss this place!

With Easter vacation coming up (vacances de Pâques), in one of my classes, we talked about what everyone is doing for the holiday. Of course, some didn't know the meaning of Easter at first, leaving some bewildered looks. To try to be clearer, I asked "What do you think Easter means?". One female student who knew the answer excitedly yelled out "chocolate!" I mean, let's be honest - she IS right! Monday I received a surprise Easter package from my parents filled with just that: chocolate (and other assorted goodies too). With so much support from home during this entire experience that I have been here in France, it has really made me realize how blessed I am to have such amazing parents. As this was my first true experience living away from home* in my life, venturing to live and work in a foreign country, knowing no one coming in, I cannot thank them enough for the many times I called them, wrote messages on Facebook, skyped them, etc saying how much I missed home. They were and are always nothing but supportive and passionate about my goals and dreams, not letting me give up and making me see that everything will not always be bright and cheery - those are the moments where we truly find ourselves.

How the French do Easter chocolate

Merci Maman et Papa!

The weather continues to be blue skies every day, with the sun getting stronger each day. Jeans and jackets are being swapped with skirts and sandals; Spring is really starting to arrive around here! Not only are flowers starting to bloom, but the buds on the trees are starting to turn into leaves too. Today, as I was walking around the school grounds in a light cardigan and sundress, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply the smell of Provence. I instantly opened my eyes to realize I had been caught in a memory; the smell had brought me back to my summer studying abroad in Aix-en-Provence, with my long sunny walks to and from school. It is funny how this weather is bringing back so many memories of this beautiful region. I can't help but remember myself arriving in September, sweating and panting while falling down the ramp at Avignon TGV with my too-heavy baggage, not used to the Provencal climate or laid-back nature of the culture. Wednesday afternoon, though I had some work to do, Amy and I went to the park to relax, read and soak up the sun. I think that I might be getting a little habitué to this way of life, at long last.

Monsieur Potter and sunlight.

This week also brought the visit from the primary assistant from last year, Cece! Though I had never spoken to her until she arrived, she was so lovely to have around, extremely friendly and we all spent hours telling stories of our experiences in Apt and beyond. On Monday, we all went to dinner at a new place in town called l'Auberge Espagnole. Again, because Apt is so small, new places don't happen very often - I was pleased to see it quite busy on a Monday night! We enjoyed a leisurely dinner of tapas and sangria, coupled by great conversation and a friendly waiter. We welcomed her to a simple dinner at the apartment on Tuesday and after a quick two days, we said our goodbyes. Doing the assistantship brings people together but having been placed in Apt automatically made the three of us instant friends. It is hard to explain to other people, even assistants, what it is like to live and be in assistant in this small village. We all had a universal understanding and bond between us from the beginning. I am so glad that she had the opportunity to come and visit - it was so great to meet her!

She even brought us some American spoils - my favorite girl scout cookies! Thanks Cece!

 This morning, I officially paid my last rent bills and gave the office my lettre de résiliation, my letter explaining when I would be leaving the apartment and when to schedule a contrôle de chambre (room inspection). This required me to go and see my least favorite French person here: the gestionnaire (secretary) of the school. Every time that I have had to talk to her, it has resulted in her rolling her eyes and getting frustrated that I did not understand or could not say something. Needless to say, I always brace myself for a conversation with her. When I saw her and presented her with the letter, explaining we needed to schedule a time for the inspection, she looked at me, wide-eyed and the biggest smile on her face, and said “Mais tu parles bien le français!”** I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy or smile that big. As we continued our conversation she kept repeating her compliment and while making a photocopy, even remarked to another office worker how well I speak now. As I was leaving, she reiterated this by saying, “Tu as fait bien du progrès pendant ton année ici ! C’est bien !“  I can safely say that her kind words meant and still mean a lot to me, as I spent the year avoiding her judgmental glares. With her compliment, it really allowed me to finally say to myself “Yes, you have gotten better. A lot better.” That feeling is wonderful – I am proud of myself and what this experience has given me even beyond French language learning: a stronger sense of self.

With one more weekend and week until my job as an assistant is done, I have to say that I am a bit melancholic and triste. After so much time spent here, it is hard not to be! As always, I will continue to enjoy the last few dregs of this experience, like savoring the last sip of a glass of magnificent rosé. Chin chin!

*Yeah, I know most people have this moment when they are 18 and go off to college. For me, it was at 23 when I moved to a foreign country. Cheers to attending college in my hometown!

**Translation: But you speak French very well!

***Translation: You made good progress during your year here! That’s great!

Soleil, you can stay

It is already the weekend here in Apt! Though I am excited for it to be here, the past week has almost been like a vacation for me. With sunny skies every day and the temperatures reaching 80 degrees, I was wearing dresses and sandals all week – not bad for middle of March! Not to mention, because of oral exams given during many of my classes, I only worked 5 hours this week at school. My schedule reads that normally I have 13 hours this week, already not many when you compare to an American teaching timetable. Nonetheless, I was happy to have the time to lay in the sun, read and relax. After this week, I look as if I went to the beach on holiday, with a few shades darker on my skin.

On my walk to private lesson in Gargas

Although I only worked 5 hours at school, I did manage to work 5 hours of private lessons too. When I was walking back Monday evening from one of these lessons, I heard someone behind me shout out a hesitant “excusez-moi?” I thought she was not talking to me but still out of politeness I turned my head. She looked at me familiarly and asked “tu parles francais?” Recognizing that this was a teacher from the collège, I responded and she began to tell me that she spoke to one of the teachers I work with and was wondering if I could give her daughter private lesson. I said of course, she instantly called her daughter and took me to her home (which also happens to be here at the school) to meet her. Although we did not meet that day, we called each other and set up a lesson for Thursday. I used to be quite intimidated on the first day of a new lesson client, but now that I have had so many, I was not nervous at all! It is all about recognizing the level of the student and what their interests are. For all the private lessons I do, my focus is to just get them to SPEAK and have a conversation with me, as speaking is always the hardest skill to master in a foreign language. This new client is very enthusiastic and fun-loving, I know that I am going to enjoy giving lessons to her for the next month while I am still here.

With a month left of teaching, I have begun to do what I have been dreading since the beginning: closing everything down. From internet service, to phone service, to my bank account to my apartment, discussions about les resiliations* have been an everyday occurrence here. Though many are making the processes very easy, I just have a feeling that the second I go to them on the day I need to leave, they are going to say, “mais non!” and tell me I have to pay a fee. I am not paranoid for thinking of this, I have read about closing accounts in France online, and numerous people have had finicky situations. Here’s hoping that me doing my homework this far in advance will help!

I still can’t believe that I now have only four weeks left, time is just flying by! This week was spent booking all the hostels for my little European vacation. I have to admit I breathed a sigh of relief when that was done! I am happy that I get to spend a few more relaxing weekends around here, as looking towards this whirlwind travel extravaganza, though I know it will be amazing, makes me realize how much energy I will need to do 18 straight days of travel. Gotta get ready for what I know will be the best trip yet!

*Translation: the cancellations, the closings

Les Vacances begin... again!

It is Thursday night and my excitement level is at an all time max! My parents, Dan and Brenna will be here in ONE DAY!! I just have two hours of private lessons tomorrow, a bus ride, and a train ride to Charles de Gaulle that separates me from my family, it cannot come soon enough. 

They are coming to visit me because (as the title of this post shows) I am vacation for the next two weeks! However, as events this week transpired, this whole week of "teaching" ended up being much like a vacation. This began on Tuesday morning when I walked into school for my normal 9 am class. I knew that Premier and Terminale students* had most or all of their classes cancelled this week, as they are taking the BAC blanc, a mock exam for the really serious standardized tests they take at the end of June. Knowing this, I planned accordingly, knowing that I would not have to make lessons for those classes nor show up. So when I walked in to see lists posted everywhere and utter chaos, you can imagine my confusion.

As it turns out, they take this mock exam within the school and need a whole floor of classrooms to have an adequate testing environment. So all classrooms for all teachers and classes had been changed. For the entire week. So I looked up the new classroom for my first class and waited with the students for the teacher to arrive. When the teacher came in, looking late and frazzled, he was surprised to see me and said "I just talked to the front office and they said your classes are cancelled for this week!" All I could muster in response, "what?!"

After a lengthy talk at la Vie Scolaire**, with many explanations and diagrams, they told me that I don't have any classrooms this week, there is just no room for me with the BAC blanc going on. Seeing each one of my classes on my timetable with a big red X across them, emblazoned with the words cours annulés*** made me quite angry - first, because I was excited to teach my lessons and second, because this was the first time this was communicated with me. Typical France.... At the end of our discussion, the secretary looked up at me and said "Désolé mademoiselle, mais maintenant tu as une semaine supplimentaire des vacances!"****

I preferred to not see it that way. Yes, I could have taken that response and not showed up for my classes all week, as when my teachers checked in, the secretaries would explain that I was not there because they were canceled. But I did not want to just sit and do nothing all week, not when I could have the opportunity to work with students in some capacity. After discussing the issue with each of my teachers, I still went to each of my scheduled classes and helped during the teacher's lesson in some capacity. Although I was not an active leader of the classroom, like the role I normally assume, it still felt great to be in the classroom this week and to see my students before vacation. At the beginning of this experience, I have to admit: the job of being an assistant was one of the things I liked the least. But now, as the teachers and I have learned how to communicate with each other, and the students and I have developed a rapport, it is an absolute joy teaching English here in France - it is now my favorite thing about being here.

With the sun shining brightly today and on Monday, I might have had a chance to catch some rays. It is still weird to think that I can do that in the middle of February... Hoping this great weather continues for next week, while my family and I explore Provence together (me acting as tour guide and translator)! After a week in the South, we will go to the North for five days with my parents and I exploring Paris and we might even take an excursion out to Normandy to explore the D-Day beaches. Good weather or bad, I know that this is going to be a vacation we will always remember - j'attends avec impatience!*****

Some typical February Provence sunshine (the temperature got up to 65 today, but who's counting!)

*Equitable to Juniors and Seniors in High School back home.
**Basically your typical school office, with all the secretaries and such.
***Translation: canceled class
****Translation: Sorry Miss, but now you have an extra week of vacation!
*****Translation: I can't wait!

My Funny Valentine

Le week-end is here once again! The constant rain we have been having decided to stop for a few days, bringing sunshine here to Apt and making all the people who live here very happy again – they are very grumpy due to this bizarre weather. Again, I think that they should make a trip to Michigan - they might have something different to say.

Classes have been generally great this week! It helped that the topic I chose to do was Valentine’s Day, where we listened to My Funny Valentine as a comprehension exercise and then talked about what the song means and what the students opinions of the songs were. This really worked well; I don’t know if I have ever heard them so quiet in class before, as it was dead silence as they were trying to hear the words to the song. Also, some got quite passionate with their opinions of the song, eliciting reactions like “WHAT?! WHY would a man say to a woman ‘your looks are laughable’!? That is SO mean!!” Either way, the students seemed to enjoy themselves, and I enjoyed teaching. I feel like I am finally getting a hang of this assistantship thing – too bad I only have 2 more months of teaching.*

Wednesday, I had one of my private lessons during the sunny afternoon. We met in the teacher’s lounge as usual but I was shocked to find the school resembled No Man’s Land during our entire lesson (which mind you, is from 12:30-2:30 in the afternoon). Of course, French schools do shut down on Wednesday afternoons, but I didn’t know to what degree. I asked her to explain about this and shared with her what is normal in America. Both she and I agreed, we much prefer the French way.

Bar l'Aptois - our regular cafe

In the evening, Amy and I went to the cinema to see a movie that I have wanted to see for a long time: 12 Years A Slave. What an incredible, harrowing film, it is definitely a story that has stayed with me and will continue to. Then, after a full day of teaching Thursday, Véronique took me downtown to pick out a ring. The ring that the teachers had given me for my birthday did not fit, and when Véro went to get it in a different size/get it resized, they didn’t have any more. So, instead she took me with her to the shop where I picked out a new ring with the correct size and ordered it. I still cannot believe the extremely kind gesture of this, giving me such a nice souvenir of France. I will really miss these kind people when I return, and every time I look at the ring I will remember them and mon séjour en France.

Valentine’s Day promises to be a fairly normal Friday, filled with cleaning, laundry, a private lesson, and other planning for next week. But, we will have Alison coming in from Avignon, so we will be having a little dinner, dessert and maybe a movie this evening. Then, tomorrow, as the forecast looks promising, we will make our second attempt to hike up le Mont Saint- Victoire. Happy Valentine’s Day!

*Actually, less than that due to the 2 week break starting in ONE WEEK. That’s right, I see my family in ONE WEEK!! I can’t believe it.

Singing in the Rain

From this gloomy, lazy Saturday afternoon in Apt, I am happy to be cuddled warm in a blanket, reading David Sedaris' book Me Talk Pretty One Day. This might sound like completely different weather than my last post, where the abundant sunshine was shining in my eyes constantly. The entire week since, it has rained. One day, it even got cold enough that a couple snowflakes were blowing around outside. All I can say about this: thanks Polar Vortex!

Literally, one day after laying out in the sunshine.

Although the rain did make this week quite gloomy, I was still in high spirits after such a relaxing weekend. Monday, after teaching my business English classes, as my boss Alain was driving me home, he promised me that from now on, each week he is going to try to teach me at least one new French word or phrase. I appreciate this, as I find it hard here to get the opportunity to learn a lot of new words with teaching English all the time. He tends to teach me a lot of phrases that are commonly used in conversation, not formal French but more like slang. A couple of this week's words? De sous, meaning money (though I never had heard of this word to describe it) and le nec plus ultra, meaning the best thing.

In honor of my good mood and rain, my love for Gene Kelly continues...

Along with the less than fantastic weather, sickness riddled my work-week. With all the students bringing kleenex with them to class, it was hard to get them motivated to speak a lot of English. After discussing pedagogy with my teachers, I learned a few new techniques that help with the lack of motivation, like the difference between creators and imitators. It proved helpful in later lessons during the week! That is, the lessons that did not get cancelled - on Thursday, my normal 6 lessons turned into 2 as all others had been cancelled due to teachers being sick.

Friday brought a busy day teaching. Actually it was the busiest day of this past week teaching-wise! Even though I do not teach at the lycée on Fridays, I taught 3 hours of private lessons. It was my third week working with a boy from the collège, and I think that we are really starting to make some progress. He really tries to use as much English as possible, rather than before he would spout off in French if he didn't know what to say. Also, he was brave enough to voluntarily show me his last quiz score, which was less than stellar. As he handed it to me, he said "yeah, this is a sad contrôle*". I said that it is fine to make mistakes, we just have to learn from it and try harder next time. I took notes of what we could work on for next week, and he left feeling accomplished.

My other lesson yesterday was with a girl that is one of my students at the lycée. It was our first lesson together, and we spoke constantly for two hours in English. I am extremely impressed at how well she speaks English, telling me how she went to an international school in Holland where they spoke English in every class. It was quite enjoyable to just sit and talk to a young person in English and for us to understand each other so well. I have found that for every 5 students that are uninterested in English here, there is one that is so incredibly passionate and curious about the language that the other unmotivated, impolite students seem to not bother me as much. I am so blessed that I have gotten the opportunity to teach in a classroom setting here in France but also to have had such a variety of private lesson clients. From middle age Business associates talking about technology to a thirteen year-old boy having difficulty being able to introduce himself, I have really broadened my abilities in teaching for different levels and with different goals in mind.**

Although this past week has been great, I did feel quite a bit homesick. I think this was due to a combination of my birthday being so soon*** and the gross weather, neither of which improved my mood. I know that I will have an amazing birthday here in France, but there is nothing like having your family and friends around to celebrate another year of life. Even though my birthday is on Wednesday, we are going to celebrate on Saturday by climbing the Mont Sainte-Victoire, just outside of Aix-en-Provence. It was something I really wanted to do when I studied in Aix but never got around to it. Now, in honor of 24, and weather providing, I am finally going to climb that mountain and I can't be more excited about it. Until then, a relaxing weekend and week will be just what I need to welcome another year in my life. And maybe a little bit of the Pinot Noir I just bought too.

*Translation: test
**Not to mention, it is REALLY nice to have some extra money around here. Makes saving up for my April-May travels that much easier!
***Countdown to 24: 4 days. Oh god, I feel the wrinkles setting in now!